Dear friends and family,

I’m back on my bullshit on my blog and delivering some of those promised updates!

So after splitting up with Chelsea in Enumclaw, my next stop was for that great technocracy by the bay, the city of Seattle. I have introduced many places into this rambling story across the continent, and now it is time to introduce a new character: Collin!

Editor’s note: Collin is not queer by the way, just a cool ally (the post title was not proofread by our editorial team, title may confuse some)

Collin and I grew up on the same street in Commerce, and he landed in the Seattle area several years ago, so what an unlikely nicety it was to meet up again on the other side of the continent!

We had a grand old time wandering around the city and shooting the breeze about times and peoples gone by. Andrew Sulisz, if you felt your ears get red on some random night towards the end of June, we are the reason why 🙂

Like true Great Lakes Staters, we instinctively sought out the largest nearby body of freshwater, which in this case was Ballard Locks coming down from Lake Union and Lake Washington. Ballard Locks was very cool:

They even have built-in fish ladders so salmon can still reach their historical waters at Lake Washington and Lake Sammamish. You can even view the fish as they go through the ladder!

Well, you can view them during spawning season, anyways!

But fish or no fish, we had a grand old time together. Thanks again Collin for hanging out with me and letting me crash at your place! Come see me in DC someday!

So lacking fish in the ladder, I sought them out myself at the famous fish market:

What part of a squid isn’t a tube? Questions for the ages.

But enough about fish. Why was I really in Seattle? At this time of year, in these atmospheric conditions, at this particular celestial confluence? Simple: for the gays.

It was Seattle’s Pride Festival! I was originally so bummed that I wasn’t going to be in DC for the pride festival this year, but luckily my schedule lined up to see the festival in Seattle! And it was amazing ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜.

Oh cool, what a neat drag show! That’s cool to rock a pixie cut in drag, very gender non-co-

HOLY SHIT IT’S A REAL HAIR REVEAL AND THE FLOW GOES ON FOR DAAAAAAAYYYSSS

If I ever do drag (and become the hot, cool, and waifsome dude of my dreams), this too will be my signature move.

God I love being queer, and I love being surrounded by queer people, and I love all that synergy of all us queers just bouncing and reverberating off of one another. You just don’t feel that energy anywhere else man.

Well, except of course, at the pride parade!

So fun fact: this was actually my very first pride parade!

“But Evan,” you say, exasperated, “you’re the gayest person I know! Or you’re at least conjuring up some serious Walt Whitman vibes. How have you not been to a pride parade?”

I know, bonkers, right? Well, take a step back with me through it all: being gay wasn’t cool until at least 2011 (remember when wearing anything other than carpenter’s jeans, baggy t-shirts, and a short short haircut made you a “metrosexual”? Yeah, me and my queer friends all remember the 00’s, and we shudder thinking about it), and I wasn’t out to anyone until I was in college. I missed all of Ann Arbor’s parades because I was gone working every summer, and Green Bay never had any parades when I lived there. When I moved to DC in 2019, I had to skip that year’s parade for work nonsense, and then there was no parade in 2020 or 2021 due to Covid. Finally 2022 came around, and my childhood friend was getting married in Columbus, OH on the same day as the parade (congrats on one year Amber! Hope you and Jeff and your dogs are doing well 🙂 ). So yeah! 2023, at 28 years old, was my very first pride parade.

And I couldn’t have asked for more:

Whaddup #gaymers

State of Washington Ski Patrol, practicing their gurney work.

Alaska Airlines, hinting at their dirigible launch later this year.

Leatherman’s club showing off some amazing whipwork. Just cracking along like cattle drivers all up and down the street, it was rad.

And literally the only, just barely safe-for-work photo I could take of the naked bicycling club. Some had body paint, but it wasn’t hiding much!

And even though I bring it up last, by far and away one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen was at the head of the parade. To set the scene, as we’re lined up on either side of the street, waiting for the first procession of paraders, you start to head an absolute thunderstorm of motorcycles, just a cacophony of noise. “Oh, here comes the police escort to clear the street, right?” No:

It’s the Seattle original Dykes on Bikes!

AND THEY TORE THAT PAVENEMT TO FUCKING SHREDS BROTHERRRRRR!!!!!!!!

And one of my personal favorites:

Tiny electric dyke on a tiny electric bike!

She’s yelling “Woooooo I’m out of battery!!!!!!!”

God, what an amazing time! DC, you will have to work very, very hard to outdo this parade in 2024 🙂

And so, my heart full to bursting of queer pride, it was time to move on:

Where to next? You’ll see soon enough 🙂

Thats all for now,

Stay well everyone,

Evan 💙

P.S.: as I was going through which photos to upload, I realized that in trying to get a photo of the Dykes on Bikes, I mistakenly photographed… Jesus Christ?

This is the only photo I have of this person and I do not remember them racing past my camera like this during the parade. Ah well, the Lord works in mysterious ways and all that 🙂

P.P.S.: is this website deserving of a photo from inside a port-a-john? I think so:

Well it’s my blog, so I think so 🙂 (no I did not submit an entry to the contest! I just thought this was freaking hilarious advertising)